It’s 2:30 am. I can’t sleep. I kept on thinking about the years that passed by in a blur and how far (?) I’ve come with my dreams in life. Sadly, aside from the medical aspect of my life, I’ve realized I’ve never fulfilled much of what I had hoped for in the past. Probably one of the reasons why I stopped making a list of New Year’s Resolutions – I never fulfill any of them anyway.
Earlier, I was browsing through my friends’ profile pages in the social networking site, Facebook. I am amazed by how far some of them have come in the last few years. I also happened to pass by a few multiply sites of virtual unknowns and saw their accomplishments for the last five years. I felt ashamed of myself. My medical schooling aside, what else do I have to offer? I’ve, time and again, vowed to make self-improvements in the past years but I’ve realized that instead of spiraling uphill, I’ve made a downward turn. It sucks realizing you’re leveling down instead of improving. But then, self-improvements also meant paying extra (after all, nothing comes free anyway), so it also meant having to choose between saving up for one of those Orlando vacations or spending money for myself. For someone with limited means like me, doing the latter may be difficult. I don’t know why I suddenly find myself in this very gray area. This is probably one of the evils of technology. Back in the days, you don’t really get to be updated by what’s happening in the lives of people you know, hence, the lesser chances for self-pity… unless of course you bump into them somewhere else and you chitchat about your lives. Nowadays, all you need is a lot of unsolicited news feeds on facebook and a few clicks and the gate for self-reflection is wide open. Sheesh. I need to spend less time on those social networking sites. They’re becoming unhealthy.
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