I just came home from gatecrashing a party for a queen. No. This is not some party of a socialite-wannabe or a gathering for a queen-for-a-day. It is indeed for the queen herself – Queen Elizabeth II – in celebration of her 82nd birthday.

My bff caught me online this morning. What started as a friendly “how are you” chat ended with an unexpected invitation to a party she was to attend this evening. You see, my best friend, the cause-oriented, diplomat-wannabe is currently involved in some organization. Now, don’t dare ask me further ‘coz all I know is that it involves: Foundation, Youth and the Prince of Wales (just connect the dots). She wanted me to gatecrash ‘coz she didn’t know anyone else in that party. Her boyfriend, who would also be gatecrashing the event, also prodded me to come with them. I planned to attend the jazz dance class this evening at 8 pm and I had to rewire my brain a little bit so that I wouldn’t feel guilty of having skipped dance again for tonight’s event. Clad in the best attire I could come up with at the last minute, off I went to the British ambassador’s home in Forbes Park, ready to be kicked out for not having been properly invited at all.

After spending almost three hours being a wallflower (hooray for me I wasn’t booted out of the party!), here are ten things that I came to realize:

1. Bring your car to the carwash when you feel the uncanny urge to. As much as possible, DON’T DELAY TO THE LAST MINUTE. Else, you’d have to parade your dirt-ridden Jazz amongst BMWs with funny plates and little flags flapping on the hood.
2. Make sure your hands are clean and dry so that you’d always be ready to shake hands with ambassadors and diplomats from all over the world. Who knows? You might be shaking the hands of the ambassador from Timbuktu.
3. Get a drink from one of the waiters/waitresses lining the entrance door. They were there for a purpose. It doesn’t matter if it’s wine, beer or orange juice you’re holding. Just hold anything! It makes you look and feel less awkward in the midst of a crowd.
4. A smile and a nod are your best allies in a party filled with people you won’t get to brush elbows with on an ordinary day. You don’t have to know everything they’re saying. Just pretend that you do.
5. A $6 dress is as good as the $1,000 Vera Wang cocktail dress – trust me – they won’t notice the difference.
6. In a venue filled with people from all races, you won’t be able to pinpoint a gatecrasher from an invited guest. Everyone thinks everyone in the party must be someone important – except of course, the gatecrashers who are in fact, a bunch of nobodys.
7. If you think someone looks familiar, chances are you do know him/her, it’s just that you don’t remember. Try to recall where you first encountered that person. If you can’t, YOU HAVE TO!
8. Bring two gatecrashers along with you to the party. At least if you get caught in a conversation, the gatecrashers can just get themselves busy tasting EVERYTHING on the buffet table.
9. Don’t act like a giddy kid on the crepe bar. Peaches, raisins and white chocolate bits don’t taste good together. Adding vanilla ice cream with candy sprinkles on top, does, however, make the crepe more palatable.
10. And lastly, don’t even think twice when asked to gatecrash come to a party for the Queen of England. Deep inside, you know you want to! You may not really get to meet Queen Elizabeth II or bump into Prince William himself but his lookalikes are as hot and as yummy as the original.

Hehe. That’s it. Enough of daydreaming. Back to the real world!

XS: Taste Turkey with Cranberry Sauce last! Tasting it first would shoot up your expectations of the next food on the plate – which sadly, rarely happens since you’ve already tasted the best in the menu.

unaware-soldierly