It’s amazing how one guy can just kiss your sadness away.

I lost my phone last night. I went to attend mass with Bee at a nearby church here in QC. Like what I’ve gotten used to, I paid the Holy Sacrament a visit at the adoration chapel after mass. It wasn’t after we have already parked our car in front of Napoli’s when I realized that my phone was nowhere to be found. Turns out I left it at the adoration chapel and it was already 45 minutes since we left the premises of the church. Being the baby that I am, I went into uber-panic mode and was close to tears after realizing the stupidity I’ve committed. We went back to the church but I wasn’t able to find it there anymore. We tried calling my phone but it just kept on ringing with no one picking up. I was distraught. It was my first time to lose a cellphone in all 9 years I’ve had one. But, what surprised me was the way I handled the situation.

No. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry even if I really wanted to. It was definitely one of those moments when I’m supposed to throw a tantrum, a bitch-fit, whine and whatever a spoiled brat would do if things don’t go exactly her way. Suprisingly, there was none of those moments that my ex and I used to fight over with. No signs of immaturity. No signs of childishness for my part. It was then that I realized I’ve grown a lot more mature in the last 21 months since the break up that changed my life. Actually, looking back to just a few months ago, I wasn’t even close to being halfway to who I am just now. I’m dead sure the change wasn’t overnight. But, what I’m sure of at this point in time is that Bee played a role in the changes I’m experiencing.

I believe that the sentence “I Love You” is the most overused and abused expression. I, for one, is guilty of this hideous crime. The last time I said “I love you” to someone, I felt like I gave him the power over me. Although I don’t exactly regret having said that to him, after all, I did love him at that point in time, I now feel like the words would have been more apt said to someone who could have treated me a lot better than him. Then again, it was all in the past and I’ve since closed the doors and shut the windows to that chapter of my life.

Truth be told, I wasn’t sure if I love Bee when things started. I did like him a lot… enough to actually consider a relationship with him. But love? I vehemently denied that I was in love. I wanted to be sure for myself that I truly love the person before actually blurting out the words or even before accepting the reality of it. Up until recently, all I knew was that he was getting closer and closer to my heart than ever before and I’ve not cared for anyone else this much since.

But what I’ve realized oh-so-recently is that I really can’t deny being in love as much (like I used to) now.

Tell me, who wouldn’t love…

…a guy who’d hold your hand and usher you to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find you uncomfortably half-asleep after doing a paper due the next day?

…someone who’d be awakened by your whimpers and whines after your laptop suddenly lost power (without having saved your document) and just sit beside you, hug you and tell you it’s okay?

…someone who’d just hug you tightly to keep you calm after you realized you stupidly left your cellphone inside the adoration chapel?

…the guy who makes you smile with the most mundane things he does or says?

…someone who constantly checks on you to make sure you’re not hurt because you’re uber-hyperactive?

…someone who would ask around how to claim your license after being caught for coding because he couldn’t come with you?

…someone who would surprise you with a trip to the spa after learning you’ve had a rough week?

…someone who’d watch Beowulf in amazement at IMAX with you like two kids in a toy store?

…the guy who just magically kisses your sadness away?

I know it is still very very superficial at this point but then I believe that things just have to start from somewhere and develop from there on. If there is something that I am most definite at this point, it’s that my situation now is a far cry from where I used to be. A sign of maturity perhaps but I’m starting to keep myself always in check. No longer do I just act before I think like I always used to but lately, I’ve been using my head a lot to keep myself at a balance. No, definitely there is no room for a whining spoiled brat in this relationship I am in and it is more of a conscious effort on my part to make things work even this early.

I am happy and I remain hopeful that I’d get to keep this happy-happy-joy-joy feeling for the longest time. If the growing feelings I have for him each day aren’t signs of a blossoming love, then I wonder what it is.

So tell me, am I in love? *grin*